A Fairytale Love Story: Part 2

Tuesday, 22 December 2015




I grew up thinking life happened in a series of events: grow up, go to college, travel, get married. Simple, to the point, and easy steps to follow! My mom enthusiastically made us repeat this sequence over and over as we grew up. With the repetition, roots took place in my heart and spread conviction through my soul. I grew up, attended college, traveled all over Asia my first year post-grad and now I was returning home. Heavy expectation present in my mind: it was time. I had accomplished great things, and now was the perfect timing for my Knight in shining armor to come riding up on that white horse I've been eying for years. So I began to look; eagerly. 

I began entertaining various options... friends of friends I got introduced to and so on. But it wasn't me. I have never been the type to "date around" or go for something my heart wasn't in. I believe one of my spiritual gifts is discernment. I knew none of the options were right, but for some reason I felt a competitive edge rise within me to still try or force something. After all, EVERYONE was saying how I needed to at least try. So try I did. After two miserable experiences + 1 good conversation with my dad, I was FED UP. My soul ached and my heart felt weary.... Boys. Not men, just boys. Boys who mistreated me, who didn't chase God as I hoped and simply discouraged me by saying I was "too deep". Like I should shallow up?? HAHAH! After being mistreated for the last time, I decided enough was enough. So I made a decision and gave up looking for my husband. I let go of the search and chose to free myself of the burden others put on me to find my husband like yesterday. I freed myself from this dream sequence that NOW was when my Knight was supposed to come. When I did this, God transformed me and taught me HOW to be in a marriage BEFORE I even met my husband. He taught me about marriage in my singleness. I had to LEARN how to wait on God, I had to LEARN how to trust God, I had to LEARN how to be satisfied in God alone, and I had to LEARN how to handle disappointment in a grace-infused way. If I didn't learn these things first in singleness, I wouldn't be capable of offering them in a marriage. I would be lacking necessary tools to help create a healthy, God-glorifying marriage. So sister, please.... PLEASE don't miss what God is doing in your midst. Don't blink away these moments of being single by pining away for a man who is just as broken as you. Invest in Jesus, let him teach you about grace and hope in disappointment, let him teach you joy in your heartache, let him quench your thirst in a time of dissatisfaction, let him be your rock when the world shakes and crumbles around you, let him teach you, so you can bear these fruits as a wife. Your marriage, the spiritual health of your love for your husband depends on it. Singleness is NOT a useless waiting room, so don't wish the season away. 


Here is what I wrote two years ago. The promise that dropped me to my knees and the starting point for learning how to be married and how to be a wife... just 3 short months before God DID bring my Superman husband into my world. I hope it encourages you to wait well.

"I'm making a stand. I'm waiting. Taking the hardest route possible for a man that will pursue me like a princess like the most valuable thing he's ever come in contact with. And seeing me He will know that God has given him the opportunity to receive a gift like my heart. I will stand my ground even when the enemy tries to tell me I won't find that. That God can't do it and won't give me that beautiful gift. But I trust in His ability and power more; to guide my path, the steps I take, to the same "meet cute" as the man I'm supposed to marry. I can't wait for it. But I'm learning to have patience, peace, Endurance, and faith in what lies ahead of Me. The greatest things worth having are the rare things that require ability to wait for them.

So what does it look like to properly wait? It means no insisting first. He can come to me. It means choosing not to over analyze. He will let me know if he cares and he will let me know how much he cares. If he can't then there's no point in hoping for him. He's not man enough to lead, he's not man enough to care for my heart for my whole life. It means that when I meet the right guy the fruit will not be impatience, anxiety, doubt or confusion; but rather, peace will flood over me, and assurance will spring forth. The man I will be with will bring about good from me and not bad. If he pushes me toward Christ the way I hope and need, the result in my attitude and approach to our relationship will be the offspring of love: peace patience gentleness kindness not self-seeking, not boastful and self control. When the opposite of these is produced be shrewd because the guy I'm around is not pushing me toward Christ. 

Because that's what I'm looking for. Someone to have a covenant marriage relationship with- one that lasts all my days on earth. And if that is going to be God glorifying then it is going to hafta come by taking dating seriously, keeping standards high. Holding myself to a high standard and asking him to step up to an equally high standard. When he walks in an admirable way in dating me, he will take the precious the gift of leading me seriously. A man who prizes that role, will do right by it. He may stumble, fall, or grow weary. But as he proves before marriage he has the will and commitment to step up, endure, press in to Christ and draw us both to our knees as Gal 2:20 becomes evident producing fruit in barren branches and ripening those already existing. 

Marriage is a beautiful thing. I look forward to it. But I don't depend on it. Not now, not ever: if there's any important lesson to be learning in my singleness: it's that my one and only Knight in shining armor capable of meeting any and every whimsical need or desire in my soul came years and years ago, and is coming once again. He knows who I am. He knows His bride. THAT is the only one I want to depend on. To spend my time pining for and inexhaustibly awaiting His glorious coming for me. He is My One and Only Savior. May no other thing or person take His throne in my life."

Want to read more about my story? Start here: A Fairytale Love Story: Part 1

5 comments:

  1. Amen! Thanks for sharing! I am so encouraged to see how God has been working in your life. You are such a gem, and are a blessing to all those who know you! Hugs! --Lindsey Stanley

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  2. I so needed this! I'm in the same spot- FED UP with boys and learning that God has so much more for me. I can trust in His goodness and His plan. Thank you so much for sharing your process and testimony. Love you, girl! <3

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  3. Gosh, I am struggling so hard with singleness right now & this post just gave me so much hope and encouragement. I've been so desperate for love & I've been looking for it in all the wrong places. Seeking the Lord is my answer. Thank you so so much for sharing your testimony. It shed so much light on my current situation!

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  4. you're so talented Court! :) and romantic! <3 it gave me shivers and now I've got goose bumps on my arms :D love you girl

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