Confessions of a Christian Fitness Coach

Sunday, 20 September 2015

I need to be real with you. I'm afraid if I don't, I will lose sight of who I really am. So I invite you into my heart. I ask you to be kind when reading this, and gentle in your response. This is me- un-filtered, and me vulnerable with transparency. You see I have been struggling the past month. Struggling with trying to "fit in" and "be popular" at the sake of forfeiting my true identity. And this is not what any of us promotes- if there is one thing I've learned being a part of both the BBG, TIU and BB communities- it's that we love and value realness. So here is me, real....

When my fitness Instagram first began, I started with pretty much 3 likes a day... primarily my husband, father and mother! (Shout out: thanks guys!!) I felt liberty to say/post/share whatever my heart desired because it really didn't seem as if too many people were listening. Now, I have nearly 3000 followers and I feel beyond thankful so many have chosen to journey with me. However, with this number comes a tension between flesh and faith. Because people are watching and listening now.

Now, it is difficult to post anything without a heart weighed down by questions... who will like this? will they dislike this? will they unfollow me? will this inspire anyone? will this offend anyone? The battle within myself has left my voice strained and my hands tied. I get tagged for morning abs or flex selfies from my amazing BBG sisters who are ROCKING their journey... and I want to share SO badly the ab progress I have made or how much my own body has been re-shaped because of MY hard work. After all, this is the first time in my LIFE I have EVER had the confidence to show my stomach or take pics in my bathing suit without covering myself up first. That is so beautiful! Confidence in myself is such a rich gift!! Because YES! I have ab progress, and YES I have amazing, real results with the programs I use in my 30 day Challenges. So why the tension?

Because as a follower of Jesus Christ, my greatest hope and passion is beyond this. My greatest hope and passion is for MY life to directly point to Him. For many women of faith or BBG girls, there isn't a tension within their fitness lifestyle/career. They're comfortable to share and embrace their beautiful hard work. And this IS beautiful. I fully support my girls' progress and confidence in their own skin! These words in no way, shape or form are meant to call into question their faith or integrity or class.... these words are merely a reflection of the Lord's work in MY heart. (Please trust that- trust that my heart fully supports you in your journey however that may look- I'm not here to put my convictions or faith or thoughts on anyone- merely sharing because I trust that you too will respect, support and encourage my own journey as I do yours). For me, there is a deep conviction. I find the more I show my physical results, the more likes and followers I get. Hmmm... but Courtney, isn't life so much more than likes or followers? Yes... and for this reason my heart breaks because I have not been living in accordance to this.

I posted today (some may have seen it) a pic in my bathing suit drinking water while laying out today. I wanted to simply share my current point of view! But, I felt 110% convicted the moment I hit post. Why? Because not too long ago, I was convicted to not post bathing suit shots or ab progress pics. Why? Because for me personally (and once again, please know this is just my heart), I find it hard to say I'm pointing others to Christ by lounging in my bikini or taking a morning ab pic. Such an innocent and harmless act... it can so easily lead others to stumble. When I post those pics, others are praising creation over Creator. I never want 1 person to stumble over me on their journey to finding or knowing Jesus.

For those who know me or been following me long enough, know my intentions with any physically revealing pic has never been about showing off or seeing how many likes I can get; but it can easily become this if I don't guard my heart. So here is my heart on the matter:

I never want a young teenage girl to look at my stomach and hate hers. (I've been there as a teen- and it hurts terribly).
I never want a girl who struggles to maintain a healthy balance with food to look at me and reduce her caloric intake even more.
I never want a man to look at my pictures and lust in his heart.
I never want a Husband to accidentally see my pics because someone he knows liked it and wish his own wife would look different.
I never want to be a cause or trigger for another person's battle with eating, exercise, self-confidence, lust or relationship with Jesus.

I only, ONLY want to be an inspiration to women and young girls on health, fitness, faith, and true confidence because they understand their worth is deeper than the skin.

What I DO want is for a young teenage girl to see my profile and say yes! Because of her I can chose modesty.
Because of her I can love myself in ALL my forms.
Because of her, I chose to see myself the way Jesus does- worthy, beautiful, and captivating.
I want a young man to see my profile and say yes, I will wait for a girl of faith and class like her- because they DO exist.
I want a mom to say to her daughter, look, follow her example for she is following the example of Christ.
I want a father to say yes, I pray my daughter protects herself as she does!
I want a husband to say, wife, I cherish you because of your inner beauty and the way you're striving for personal health- inside then out.

Simply stated... I want anyone to look at my profile and say... she LOVESSS her Jesus.

Nothing else in this world matters. Not followers. Not likes. Not money. Not sin. Not 6 pack abs. Not a bathing suit ready body. Not my pride. Not my shame. Not my hard work. Not my fitness career. Not my shaking hands and teary-eyes as I type this.

For this reason, my page will look different than other fitness accounts. I may talk about Jesus, I may post more biceps instead of abs, I may celebrate the internal more than the external. But I PROMISE you, whether you love Jesus or don't, my page WILL always be focused on inspiring YOU to YOUR best. Inside then out. I pray you will stay with me, and we can mutually love one another on toward healthy lives.

It is more important for me to share my heart, take this stand despite my knees knocking, my voice quivering, or heart breaking with tears flowing.... because Jesus is greater than any popularity I could ever possibly have. And he is greater than any fear or shame I could have in sharing my true feelings. Because perfect love casts out fear- and so I share today knowing I'm fully covered in grace for the ways in which I have not lived up to his calling on my life. I have been saved, redeemed, set free... so I can now risk it all for the sake of honoring him. I hope you'll appreciate my honesty regardless of your views, and we can continue to make this world full of women who are beautiful, healthy, and confident. After all, I think we can both agree we seek the same goal ;) <3 nbsp="" p="">

"What good will it be for a person to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" Matthew 16:26

xx Courtney


  1. Thank you for your transparency Courtney! This is something for all of us to consider when posting pictures of ourselves on social media.

  2. Very poignant words! Proud of you.